I received the gift of a second chance at life on that day, and while it was absolutely the most devastating physical, emotional, and spiritual rock bottom I could ever have thought possible, it turned out to also be the best day of my life. That is because every single breath I have taken since that day has been a glorious gift of everlasting and deep appreciation.

It was on that lowest day of extreme brokenness that I was given the opportunity to upgrade to “Lauren 2.0” and to institute a new operating system within myself to live joyfully and with purpose despite living with the struggles of chronic pain and illness.

That new operating system was called GRATITUDE.

Fast forward 8 years, 6 months, and 11 days later, and today my very first book, the “5-Minute Gratitude Journal for Teen Boys” is being released! I can still hardly believe it and am so unbelievably moved, humbled and GRATEFUL for this opportunity to spread my message by way of this beautiful book for teens. I am so proud of it and hope that it finds its way into the hands of the teens and pre-teens who can use their own operating system reboot, or can at least benefit from a user’s manual for gaining confidence, courage, and lifelong GRATITUDE.

I have spent these past many years touting the message of GRATITUDE as the premier “remedy” for diluting our struggles and growing our joy. I began with my Facebook community “Attitude of Gratitude with Chronic Pain” back in early 2015 when I was unable to find any positive, inspirational, and solution-based chronic pain groups on Facebook. Today we have over 7,400 members who all join us knowing that we are a place of positivity and GRATITUDE. There are thousands of other groups where we are free to compare bloodwork results and symptoms….we are not that group. Our unique community focuses on improving our emotional pain, and we do that by practicing GRATITUDE, living with intention, mindfulness, and connection.

In 2016, I completed a year-long “GRATITUDE Project” on Facebook where each day I wrote an essay on something different that I was GRATEFUL for. My only rules were that I couldn’t repeat entries (as long as I remembered!) and I didn’t want to make the entries things that were of material value. I wanted my friends and followers to be able to relate to each day’s essay and have my writing resonate with each reader in the hopes that it would pique their own sense of appreciation. It has now been 5 years since that life-altering project made a profound difference in my life, and I daily share each entry as a “5 Years Ago Today” post on both my website as well as my Lauren Zalewski/Gratitude Addict Facebook page.

I began my live broadcast in April 2020 where each Thursday night I bring on a new topic and expert guest to share with my audience about the various ways we can use GRATITUDE and other life tools to live our best lives despite our struggles and difficulties. “Gratefully Living the Chronic Life” was born in the very early days of the pandemic, and you would think that after almost 70 episodes we would have run out of things to talk about when speaking about GRATITUDE….but as it turns out, I’ve hardly scratched the surface. The deeper we delve into the benefits that an attitude of GRATITUDE can have on our overall wellness, the more I find there is still left to discover!

I began writing a book as soon as my “GRATITUDE Project” ended on December 31, 2016. The working title is, “Chronically Grateful” and it is about everything I have learned in my 3,116 days post-rock bottom into “Lauren 2.0,” and how we can apply these tools of GRATEFUL living for those who are debilitated by the struggles that come along with living with chronic pain and illness. I had just taken a few weeks of sabbatical from my group in order to finish my first draft back in April when I was contacted by Rockridge Press with the opportunity to write the “5-Minute Gratitude Journal for Teen Boys.” I will admit that my first instinct was to turn it down so I could continue working on “Chronically Grateful.” It had been a few years since starting that project and I was hyper-focused and determined to finally get this passion project complete. But when I mentioned it to my friend Jill (a former high school English teacher) she made a very candid response that changed everything for me:

“Teen boys are the most forgotten about subset when it comes to mental health.”

Bam! There it was…….

That was the moment that I knew I had to take on this project. I’d worked with teens for years in various capacities, having been active in my local PTA and even starting a community theatre group for teens several years ago. And of course, I’d raised my own two kids, and while now in their 20’s, I can remember all too well the struggles they both had during those important and formative teen years. And they went through their teens in pre-pandemic times…..today’s teen has a whole new slew of issues to contend with. So if there was anything that I had to offer and could contribute in my own way in order to help them find the beauty in life no matter what their struggles are, I wanted in!

I started the process by delving into some research about the mental health of today’s teen boys and I was astonished by what I found. Today’s teen boy finds it hard to form relationships which often leads to a lack of connection. Their growing reliance on technology doesn’t help this, and they often become isolated, lonely, and depressed as they don’t feel they have an outlet to safely share their emotions. In a major study done in 2019, 70 percent of teen boys reported anxiety and depression as major problems in their life. For teen boys, there has been an alarming rise in suicide at three to four times the rate of girls.

How can GRATITUDE help?

There have been many studies over recent years as to the benefits of GRATITUDE in dealing with life’s struggles. I have personally seen the power of GRATITUDE change my life and the way I deal with my own difficulties. Studies show that making GRATITUDE a part of your life boosts psychological health, enhances empathy, and improves self-esteem. Being GRATEFUL is often difficult for teens who are navigating this new arena between childhood and adulthood. They are getting their feet wet into being a “grownup” and are just coming out from under the thumb of their parents, so admitting that others help them on their journey can feel contradictory to this newfound independence they are enjoying. When our kids are young, as parents/guardians we do our best to teach them “gratitude” and drill into them saying things like “please” and “thank you.” As our teens grow, they often seem to grow selfish and ungrateful, but what they are really doing is taking their new adulthood and autonomy for a test drive. They want to feel self-reliant and powerful-not counting on others to do things for them.

This all makes sense when you think about it! And this is where a tool that they can work on themselves like “5-Minute Gratitude Journal for Teen Boys” can come into play and help them to recognize that the world does not, in fact, revolve around them!

Admittedly, I went into this project thinking, “How hard could it be? It’s a gratitude journal!” and I now laugh at my naivety. This wasn’t designed to be your typical journal with a simple prompt of “What are you grateful for today?” written across the top with a blank page underneath for the teen boys to fill in as they wish. No…no….no….this was 120 different days, each focusing on a different topic pertaining to today’s teens, and offering four different prompts along with each topic including an inspirational and motivational quote, an affirmation, and various challenges interspersed throughout. My challenge was to make this book fun for the teens-perhaps they didn’t run out to buy this book for themselves, but if they received it as a gift I wanted them to have fun with it while receiving the benefits of the message that I hoped to have them figure out for themselves.

Powerful, fun, meaningful, insightful, inspirational, and able to be done in 5 minutes or less-THIS was a challenge that I was certainly not expecting! Finding GRATITUDE quotes said or written by people who today’s teens can relate to? Another huge challenge!

But in going through the process of writing this book, my message became clear and my voice came out. While the struggles of a teenager are a bit different than the struggle of a 52-year-old woman who struggles with a chronic health condition, they really are quite similar. Struggles with self-confidence, peer pressure, expectations, self-doubt, and stress are the same no matter what your age. Being able to take a look around our surroundings and recognizing the good that our loved ones do for us….same thing. Seeing past our own struggles and looking at the bigger picture while focusing on what we DO have versus what we DO NOT have….same again.

While what I have written, spoken about, shared, and promoted for the past nine years has been primarily geared towards those living with chronic health conditions, it was through the process of writing the “5-Minute Gratitude Journal for Teen Boys” where I came to recognize that the power of GRATITUDE so elegantly transcends age, sex, race, creed, and struggle. By putting our focus on the good that exists in our lives and by coming at life from a place of abundance, we can rewire our brains towards an attitude of YES and excitement which helps us to overcome a mindset of NO and fear.

• By talking about what makes us uncomfortable, we find comfort.
• By sharing our struggles, our struggles begin to lose their power over us.
• By taking an inventory of all that is good and true in our lives, we find more good and truth in each waking moment.

It was an honor to write this book and I thank Rockridge Press and my wonderful editors for believing in me and in my message enough to approach me to write it. I am thrilled to say that I’m working on another book for them called the “52 Week Intention Journal: Motivating Prompts to Encourage Reflection, Focus, and Meaningful Change” which is due out in March.

Gang, if you know of anyone with a pre-teen/teen boy, this book would make a wonderful gift that can help spark something special that already exists inside of them. By working through these 120 days they will find themselves being able to dig deep and find the key to unlocking it within themselves. What a gift that would be for any teen!

Let’s get this book in the hands of our teens in the hopes of helping them find out what is special about them and to give them the boost they need to find the operating system of GRATITUDE in their lives!

To order your copy of “5-Minute Gratitude Journal for Teen Boys”, click here: https://amzn.to/3mZhi1X

I am blessed. I am humbled. I am GRATEFUL.

We didn’t have anything remarkable planned. Both kids cleared their schedules for the week and we had planned to reunite as our family of four…spending most of the week at my brother and sister-in-law’s beach home in Bethany Beach, Delaware then ending the week at my parent’s mountain home in the Poconos of Pennsylvania. I was vibrating with excitement just to have the four of us together as my kids, now 25 and 23, are busy with their own lives and we don’t often have all four of us together at the same time. I also looked forward to spending time with my bro and sis-in-law as well as my parents.

A relaxing week of beach, mountains, the lake, the woods, and family…..the best kind of vacation to me!

But as the famous saying goes, “when we make plans, God laughs.”

My daughter Riley had come down with a virus the day before she was supposed to come home here to New Jersey from her apartment in New York City in order for us to all travel to Delaware together the following day. Luckily she’d had a negative Covid test already, but this virus was kicking her butt with a fever, nausea, and headaches. She wasn’t in a place to travel home and she wasn’t even up to us coming in to pick her up initially.

We were all disappointed, to say the least. My son’s virtual summer classes had just ended the day prior and after a grueling summer of studying (he’s an electrical engineering major), he was so appreciative to have a week to unwind prior to heading back to Penn State where he’s a senior. My husband Rob works so hard at his engineering firm and had spent weeks preparing to let go of work for the week. He desperately needed the break as well.

And I was no different. I love the work that I do with my Facebook group, “Attitude of Gratitude with Chronic Pain” so much that it never even feels like work to me. It is my life’s work and passion in fostering and growing this special community and I love all of the extra stuff that comes along with it like my weekly live broadcast, making graphics to use in the group, and writing several posts each day. My days also consist of working on my website, tackling my latest book project, and contacting and meeting with new guest prospects for the broadcast as well as attending many seminars to enhance and feed my knowledge of living our best lives with GRATITUDE and positivity. My days are full from morning until night and I often wish there were more hours in the day for me to work on new ideas. I am an extremely happy camper with the way life has taken me in finding my life’s purpose through my work.

But I haven’t taken any time off in several years. The last time I stepped away from the group and left it in the hands of my senior moderator and the rest of the team, I did so to work on my book. So it was hardly a vacation of any kind.

To be completely honest, even prior to embarking on this week’s vacation, I had told my team that even though I would be away, I would still be available to do work in the group, make decisions, and deal with problems. I figured I’d be sitting on a beach doing so….so how hard could that be? I diligently worked for weeks to get all of my regular posts prescheduled for the week so all I would need to worry about was accepting new members every few days and deal with problems. I could most certainly handle that!

But as I already eluded to, our vacation took a blind turn.

Initially, we just took a wait-and-see attitude and waited for Riley’s virus to break. We figured we would just do fun things at home and would be flexible with when we left for the beach. But as each day came and went, Riley really wasn’t improving all that much. After a few days (and thanks to some anti-nausea meds!) she was at least able to have my husband go pick her up and bring her home where I was able to keep an eye on her and at least have her here. She spent most of her time in bed and would come down for brief moments to get some Gatorade and try to get some food in her.

By day 3, it was clear that although Riley was improving, it wasn’t significant enough where she felt up to traveling to Delaware, so we made a family decision to forget the beach, have a “staycation” here at home for at least the first part of the week, and when she got better we would revisit going to the mountain home.

I am very GRATEFUL for my family for so many reasons, and one of them is that they are all so laid back, for the most part.

In particular, Rob and my son Jake are cool as cucumbers and are very adept at going with the flow. Historically, this has NOT been one of my strong suits. Years ago prior to hitting my rock bottom and rebooting and rebuilding my life into “Lauren 2.0”, I spent a lot of time being resentful and pouting that my life wasn’t going according to what I’d planned. I got sick in my early 30’s and have spent each day since dealing with chronic pain along with a host of other unpleasant symptoms that go along in tandem with my conditions. I wasn’t able to control my pain and it affected my life and my abilities in enormous ways. I became a very sad person who eventually morphed into an all-star alcoholic who drowned away her sorrows as well as her pain. My mindset was one of inflexibility and being unable to deal with life on life’s terms. If things couldn’t be done MY way, I wouldn’t do them at all! It was a very sad way of life that ended with a literal crash that nearly took my life (and possibly other’s lives as well.)

Luckily after that day, I very willingly accepted the gift of desperation, and I was determined to turn my life around and to live it my best way possible. I found that the only way to do this was by accepting the way things are, and by being flexible and adaptable to the blind turns that come our way. Life NEVER goes as we plan, so becoming skilled at surfing the waves that come at us is necessary if we are to live a joyful and GRATEFUL life. I have spent the past many years working on it and have become an expert “surfer” in my life today.

But I wasn’t finding myself “surfing” at the beach this week, and I now found myself unexpectedly at home.

For the first few days, I resumed working as normal. I figured I might as well since I was home anyway! As I said, I love my work, so it is hardly a chore to me. But after two days of this, it became clear to me how much I needed time to step away….ESPECIALLY since I wasn’t now working from the beach! I came to see that in order for me to be the best leader possible and to actually practice what I preach to my members and followers, I need to make self-care paramount. And that’s exactly what I decided to do!

After clearing it with my senior moderator (thank you, Linda Edwards!), I made the decision to completely step away and disengage for the week (pending any group emergency, of course.) Linda has been with me for a very long time and is more than capable of holding down the fort and making group decisions in my absence. I am so GRATEFUL to have someone like her who I can trust with my life’s work and who knows the pulse of our group like no other. She holds our community in the palm of her hands and right next to her heart, just as I do, so I have absolutely no worries about leaving things with her and the rest of our team.

So here I was….with NOTHING on my plate for the first time in many, many years! No, we weren’t at the beach or in the mountains yet, but I wanted to make the most of this week so I could return come Monday morning and feel refreshed and rejuvenated as if we were. It was an incredibly freeing feeling and although I very much wanted Riley to get better so SHE could enjoy the week, I felt a weight lifted and a feeling deep in my marrow of infinite possibility and excitement!

What to do?

The first thing I did was a biggie…..I unplugged.

I muted all of my Messenger chats that chirp at me all day long, every single day. I let the multitude of messages pile up and, with the exception of checking on occasion to see if Linda needed my assistance at all, I resisted the temptation to go on it. I did not check my email even once. I very rarely checked my text messages. And I basically stayed out of my beloved Facebook group as I knew it would be way too easy for me to find myself back in the flow of things.

Let me tell you, this decision was a game-changer! It was so incredibly invigorating and it was the same feeling I remember having at age 17 when I first got my driver’s license and was able to drive somewhere on my own for the very first time. FREEDOM! I was free to make the world my oyster!

How did I make the world my oyster?

A few weeks ago I brought out my watercolor supplies which had been tucked away in my crafting closet. I’ve always wanted to be able to paint but am artistically challenged (to say the least!), so it does not come naturally to me whatsoever. Years ago, my late best friend and I would dabble in watercolor and we’d just play with mixing colors and making splotches on paper. We didn’t know what we were doing, but we had fun doing it and would stay up all night talking and painting! When she passed away in March of 2020 due to her beautiful heart failing, I put my supplies away and hadn’t taken them out since. But a few weeks ago, out of nowhere something inside of me was aching to paint! So I brought my stuff out and began dabbling again….still having no clue what I was doing and with no direction.

I decided to take a watercolor class on Udemy during this staycation! I signed up and learned everything I could. I watched video after video on YouTube (there are so many watercolor tutorials…it’s mind-boggling), I referenced the books I’d already had on my shelf, and I painted….and painted….and painted. I had fun mixing and experimenting with color, different brushes and paper, and techniques. I actually began to know what I was doing and started liking the art I was creating! It was so much fun! I broke down the barriers of fear that I had in doing something “wrong” and I just tackled it with reckless abandon and no inhibitions whatsoever.

Ironically, the week prior to this vacation, I interviewed a famous art therapist and author on my live broadcast, “Gratefully Living the Chronic Life.” Lacy Mucklow is a New York Times bestselling author and has put out numerous adult coloring books, one of them entitled, “Be Grateful and Color.” She was an incredible guest who shared with us for the hour about how we can use art for healing. Her underlying message was that art is personal, there is no right or wrong way to do it, and it is an incredibly mindful and healing tool we can all use in our lives. She talked about overcoming our fear of doing something “wrong” and not holding back. Her message really resonated with me and made me want to paint even more.

The act of painting with watercolors is incredibly mindful and healing for me. When I am doing it, I am completely present in the moment. Nothing else is on my mind but the color, the water, the brush, the paper, and the strokes. I have developed a real love of it. It is meditative, relaxing, fun, and keeps me awake and aware. It helps me to keep things in perspective and slows down my active monkey mind. Very healing for me, for sure.

There is a bit of an extra fear factor with watercolor because it is unpredictable. The water gives the pigment different properties and abilities each time you dip that brush in the paint and water then put it to paper. Put a wet brush loaded up with water and paint at the top of a piece of paper and watch what happens. You don’t really know what it’s going to do, where it’s going to go, or how it’s going to behave.

It is just like life! It is unpredictable and requires a flexible mindset and letting go of the need to control the outcome…..something that this self-proclaimed control freak works at each day of her life.! The water takes on a life of its own and it can run anywhere, create new colors with what it mixes with on the paper, and can bring about a very different piece of art than the one you’d originally envisioned. The more I experimented with creating I began to notice that the more I tried to control and contain the watercolor, the messier it became. I needed to let it do its thing and appreciate the beauty that came of it….then work with it.

Just like with life, when we can let go and allow life to happen without trying to interfere too much, we can fully appreciate the beauty of each moment and its outcome. Before turning my life around, just like with the watercolors, the more I tried to control the outcome, the messier my life became! We need to remain pliable and adaptable to the direction it takes us in and be willing to work with it no matter what curveballs we are thrown…or the direction the paint flows. There are tools we can use to help things along, but in the end, the only control we have is over how we react to what happens. Do we want to sulk and complain over the cards we’ve been dealt? Or do we want to come to a place of acceptance in order to appreciate this precious time we’ve been given here on earth?

I choose the latter. This is why I practice GRATITUDE as it is the single most powerful tool that I’ve found in over 20 years of living with a chronic condition that vastly improves my life. It is one of the few things I actually have control over, and my happiness factor is dependent upon it.

Besides painting, I went about my week very much living moment-to-moment and staying present. I had no plans, no worries (other than Riley getting better…which she eventually was), and nothing monopolizing my mind. I cooked a lot (I LOVE to cook!) and as I cooked I gave thanks for each ingredient, recognizing all the while that possessing each one was a luxury and a privilege. I worked on hand lettering which is something else I’ve always wanted to learn, we played board games and even learned two new ones, and I introduced Riley to one of my all-time favorite shows from the UK, “Call the Midwife.”

I spent a lot of time outside in my garden with our beloved heirloom tomatoes, snow peas, beans, and herbs. I practiced “grounding” by walking our property in my bare feet each day. I ate a whole lot of tomato sandwiches and a ton of sweet corn on the cob from our favorite local farm stand. I bought several dozen extra ears and cut the kernels off the cob to freeze to enjoy throughout the year.

I used the stovetop espresso maker that normally sits on my stove more as a pretty decoration rather than something we actually use (Keurig is just so much more convenient!) I frothed the oat milk I put in it and sprinkled it with cinnamon.

I ate a lot of ice cream and savored each bite slowly…being thankful for each spoonful and being able to indulge in such a treat.

I sat. I observed. I met each moment as it came with an undistracted, open, and welcoming mind. I honed my sense of wonder and took the time to view things as if for the very first time. My GRATITUDE became immense and I was filled with such a feeling of comfort and well-being. I was reminded how the best things in life are not things at all, but the love we have in our hearts for ourselves and others as well as the love we are given.

One night I went into my backyard, stood in the damp grass, and hugged one of our trees. I looked up and studied the stars and saw the Big Dipper. As I stared up at the beautiful night sky, I realized just how incredible stars are and how little I ever even think of them. These beautiful fireballs are there every single night providing a remarkable backdrop, yet I take them for granted. As I studied them wholeheartedly, I became curious as to just how far away they were, so I took to Google later on which informed me that it would take the Apollo 11 43,000 years to get to the closest star. Isn’t that AMAZING? Do YOU ever stop to really look at them?

I watched planes as entered my view and recognized what a miracle it was that we live in a day and age where we have the ability to fly to various places. As I watched these blinking dots go by in the sky, I realized that way up high in the air, each one of these planes held hundreds of people, each of them with their own story, and each one going somewhere. What an incredible realization and reminder this was! I recognized that this was something else that I take for granted every single day. I was reminded of just how enormous the universe is, how small I am in relation, and how insignificant many of my “problems” are in the grand scheme of life. I need to put things into perspective.

I listened to the symphony of sounds in my backyard at night. The bugs were buzzing and blinking, and the birds were chirping. I have no doubt that they were all gossiping about me standing in the yard in my bare feet, hugging this tree at night, but I didn’t care. I soaked up the sounds and deeply inhaled the smells and the sights. The feel of the damp grass on my feet and this mindful moment had me immediately appreciating this life I’ve been given and this amazing moment that I was completely present in.

I came to recognize in this exquisite moment how precious time is. Time is something that we are never promised and is something we can never retrieve once it’s gone. We need to use each moment we are given in ways that bring us joy and fulfillment.

This is why I want to use my time as wisely as possible. I don’t want to spend it complaining and I don’t want to spend it angry and resentful. I want to be happy, joyful, and GRATEFUL…..even though I live with chronic and persistent pain. I want to soak up everything with all of my senses and I want to learn as much as I can while I can. I want to enjoy life to its fullest and love with all my heart. I want to meet interesting people and I want to do interesting things. I want to help others who struggle so they can find GRATITUDE in their lives the way that I have.

During this week, my GRATITUDE-factor was through the roof! I feel as though the lens of GRATEFULNESS that I normally look at my life through each day was given a good cleaning for the first time in quite a while and the haze was removed so I could see things even more clearly. The colors of nature looked more vibrant, and my food tasted better. The glow around my beautiful husband and kids shined even brighter, reminding me of how GRATEFUL I am to be loved by these amazing people.

The vital importance of downtime was magnified and amplified in a major way. I was able to sit with myself and just “be” all week long, and it was a gift of massive proportions. During these incredible days of curating my GRATITUDE, I found myself in an immersion program and masterclass of simply being. I got to know myself again and each breath and step was done with intention and without judgment. I had zero expectations or responsibilities. It was simply glorious.

We never did get to the mountains, but that’s ok. Our week at home was a treasure.

Today I am back at work as usual, but I cannot help but try to think of ways I can incorporate some of these things that I treated my soul to on this “staycation” into my daily life. Some of these things do not need to be reserved only as a special treat. I can make that frothy coffee on occasion, I will take the time to paint a little bit each day, and I will continue to go outside in my bare feet during the months that the weather allows and just walk around, soaking in the beauty of the outdoors. I will look at the night sky in all its glory and remind myself that my time here on earth is not guaranteed….so I should make the most of the now.

But MOST importantly, I am going to be strict about practicing the art of the unplug MUCH more often. I will turn off chat after a certain point every day. I now recognize how being “available” to everyone 24/7 is not healthy for me and I need ample time to just BE and not DO. This is advice that I give my followers and members of AoG every single day, but it hasn’t been one I have been great at truly following myself until now.

Not everyone is able to go on relaxing vacations away where they are truly able to unwind and reboot. Financial restrictions, physical disabilities, logistics, the pandemic, responsibilities, and many other factors can prevent us from taking advantage of this helpful and lovely luxury. But my message to you all is to find ways to give yourself a “staycation.” It doesn’t have to be for a week….it can even just be for a single day!

Do those things that are at the end of YOUR sentence that starts with, “One of these days I’d like to try…(fill in the blank).” We never know when our time will run out and “one of these days” may as well be TODAY! Today is all we are promised.

Take things off of your ‘to do’ list. Put new and fun things on it! Color outside of the lines. Do something you love. Hold space for those you love and love them with everything you have. Feed your soul with what nourishes you. Spend some time unplugged.

I promise you, your level of GRATITUDE will multiply by leaps and bounds and you will be more joyful, more fulfilled, and reminded of how beautiful life really is.

Peace and love.

Lauren

As we round a year since the pandemic began, many of us are beginning to reach anniversaries of the deaths of our loved ones. The whole world is in a state of grieving for various things: People we loved who have passed, our inability to see friends and family who are alive and to spend important holidays together, our abilities to go out and socialize, loss of jobs…..there is a lot to grieve these days.

March 19th will be one year since the death of my very best friend in the whole world, Aimee Gray. Aimee had Congestive Heart Failure and was waiting for a transplant, but she just ran out of time.

Although I have before grieved the losses of grandparents, an uncle and a beloved cousin, this has been the first time I’ve ever grieved someone who I was so incredibly close to. We were sisters and spent a vast majority of our time talking, texting, or hanging out together. So this was a brand-new learning experience for me.

And it has been incredibly difficult.

I’ve gone through the stages of grief that I learned about:

• denial.
• anger.
• bargaining.
• depression.
• acceptance.

And I’ve done them repeatedly over the year, with different stages popping up at various times. Perhaps I always will.

I had been told by many that the year anniversary hits you hard. I never understood why, but I will confirm that this is true…at least it is for me. I feel like this first year has been all about me moving forward but, at times, feeling like I’m just treading water to stay afloat. When someone is so deeply entrenched in your life, the loss feels devastating and you cannot believe it’s possible to go on without them.

But I have. I’m doing well, am happy in my work and with my family, and am doing things I’m very proud of.

So now that I’ve proven that I can and have lived without Aimee for a year, this new stage I’m going through is one of sadness….sadness that I even HAVE to live without her in the first place. She was only 47 years old….this shouldn’t have happened!

But on the flipside, my daily commitment to living a life of GRATITUDE is what has gotten me through the grief and allowed me to move forward during this past year.

Don’t get me wrong, there is not an ounce of me that is GRATEFUL that Aimee passed. But there are things that I am GRATEFUL for in relation to her death:

• When she passed, COVID-19 was brand-new to all of us. As she couldn’t stay out of the hospital in the end, there was no doubt that if she’d lived, she would have gotten the virus and most certainly wouldn’t have survived. I’m GRATEFUL that she didn’t have to deal with that along with all of her other broken body parts.
• Aimee loved adventures! It would have driven her insane to stay home!!
• I’m GRATEFUL that Aimee’s son, David and his fiancée swooped in to take care of Aimee’s 5-year-old granddaughter who she raised. I KNOW that Aimee is touched by this and it makes my heart so happy!
• I’m GRATEFUL that I was given the gift of our friendship. Although it was only for a few years, it felt like we’d known each other all of our lives. I could be upset that I didn’t have her longer, but I really am just so GRATEFUL that I had her at all.
• I’m GRATEFUL for the gifts that Aimee gave me in my life……and I’m not talking about material things. Aimee taught me how to live like I was dying, and that is a gift like no other. I carry on with that gift in my heart and will for the rest of my life.

Circumstances happen in our lives that we have no control over. If life was always at a happy and steady status quo, we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the good stuff as much as we do. When we live through trauma and loss, we are fully able to embrace GRATITUDE for the beautiful gifts that come our way. Especially the small stuff…..it’s the small stuff that matters the most.

Hang in there, my friends! Be GRATEFUL for the good things that have come your way throughout this pandemic. There are blessings hidden in every situation although it can be difficult to see them at the time.

But if we live like we are dying and with an attitude of GRATITUDE, we’ll be well-suited to have lives of JOY and fulfillment.

Besides, there are people you haven’t met yet whose lives you are meant to touch.

In a year with many hardships and losses, gratitude tends to be overlooked because people lose sight of the things in life that they can be grateful for. Big changes in day-to-day life, social interactions, mental health, along with the loss of contact with family and friends during a pandemic create a cloud of sadness around the start of 2021, especially for families with an empty seat at the dinner table. Though life has changed and hardships continue to be fought, focusing this strange and quarantined January on what we do have, can make positive changes in your outlook on life and your mental health.

A better mindset is the pathway to better mental health. Frame your problems as challenges and your suffering as fighting, not setbacks, but hurdles. Though times are tough, times have been tough before and times will be tough again. Once you are able to come to terms with whatever challenges you are going through, gratitude is the next step. Gratitude is defined as the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness, however gratitude is more than just being thankful. It is being able to identify the good and bad parts of your current situation and being able to be thankful for the good, but also aware of the bad and what actions and thoughts will allow you to overcome those bad circumstances. Specifically during this pandemic, everyone has had times where they are fed up of being lonely, online, and stressed out about the healthcare crisis and excess negativity and sadness has found a way to settle like a blanket over our lives. Like a blanket, we forget that it is there after a bit of time, and don’t realize that the blanket is changing our perception of the temperature just like how negativity is changing our perception of life. Gratitude is the ability to recognize that blanket of negativity and sadness, not take it off, but being able to remember that your left foot is dangling outside of the blanket and that is enough for you that day. Gratitude is not about being 100% happy and grateful every day, it is about being able to take what you are given and find small or big things that are good in your life or day, and be grateful for it.

The science behind gratitude is actually very important and interesting. According to Joan Moran, a gratitude journalist, gratitude stimulates your neurotransmitters and the hormones that bring energy and happiness into your living experience. This means that even if you are having a bad day and can’t see the light, realizing a small thing that was good and something to be grateful for like your enjoyment of a bowl of cereal, or a song you heard on the radio, your brain will respond by improving your mood and firing dopamine, which will make you feel happy and joyful. So when that day rolls around when it feels like nothing is going your way, find one small thing that did go your way: you are alive, you talked to your sibling which was fun, or you pet your dog or cat. These little things that bring small amounts of joy tend to go unnoticed in daily life, but identifying them and enjoying them will actually change your mindset and make you happier.

Now that gratitude is understood, how does this apply to the start of this year? Most of us were unable to see our family members and friends this holiday season, and this obviously weighs you down. Many families cancelled plans last minute because of the recent spike in COVID-19 cases over the past few weeks, and after a lot of planning and anticipation, it is disappointing to cancel, even though everyone knows that it is for the best. In that case, scheduling ZOOM meetings or FaceTime calls at the start of 2021 with trivia, snacks, or even simple games can slightly fill the whole left by the lack of family festivities. The idea that family traditions are unachievable this year is negative and underestimating the power of technology. If you have a family cookie recipe, call at the same time and bake together while not mixing germs and risks. Doing one of these ideas or coming up with your own can bring joy and gratitude in a usually joyful time of year.

This year could be one of the strangest yet, but being able to see the good, the kindness shown by others, and all of things that you do have can create a better atmosphere wherever you are quarantined. Though much has been lost this year, we have gained so much: better and more consistent connections, new ways to communicate, and the ability to love from afar. Holding our values close, our family dear in our hearts, and being grateful for all that we have is crucial to a joyful new year.

As 2020 rolls to a close, I’d like to offer you my thoughts and wishes for ALL of us in this upcoming year of JOY….. 2021!

I read these last night during my live broadcast, but I thought I would write them down so you can really look at them and even return to them from time to time.

My Wishes for You in 2021

• Each and every one of us has struggles….be kind.
• Each and every one of us is scared….that’s ok.
• Talk to yourself with love and compassion.
• Do what you love.
• Practice GRATITUDE every single day.
• Don’t apologize for who you are or how you feel.
• ALWAYS be authentic. Perfection is boring and doesn’t exist anyway.
• Your feelings are valid. They are yours and they are true. Feel the feels completely.
• Stay true to yourself. You are unique and you are beautiful.
• Don’t ever make yourself small to suit someone else.
• Be present. Give the gift of your undivided attention to those you are with.
• Always be open to learning new things about yourself. Keep your mind open and be flexible.
• Take time to breathe. Really breathe.
• Take time to look around and pay attention to your surroundings. Notice the beauty around you.
• From time to time, look at life through the eyes of a child….as if you’re seeing it for the first time.
• It’s ok to take care of YOU. Do it. Always.
• Celebrate the little victories….they are big.
• Cherish your friendships and take time to foster them.
• Take time to help someone else with anything, no matter how small. It will help you as much as it helps them.
• Try to do something outside of your comfort zone. You never know what will happen, but you won’t regret trying.
• Never, EVER start a sentence with, “This might be a stupid question, but…” Your ideas and questions are NEVER stupid.
• Always live wholeheartedly and unapologetically.
• Don’t take yourself so seriously.
• Don’t apologize for crying. Ever.
• Being sensitive is a superpower, not a failure. Embrace it.
• Fall in love with yourself every day.
• Know that you are completely worth it.

May you all have a very Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a Joyous New Year!

Love, Lauren

This time of year can be a time of peace, joy, and comfort for many people throughout the world. Decorating, baking, thinking of our loved ones, holiday music, the beautiful lights….that ‘holiday feeling’ can bring us comfort and ease the pains that many of us have throughout the year.

But on the flipside, there can often be the not-so-great things that the holidays can bring….stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness, and a general feeling of inadequacy when comparing our holidays to others who seem to just have it all together.

Not to mention, because of the pandemic, this year brings along its own set of issues. Perhaps we are unable to be with family which normally brings such an important aspect of love and connection for us. Yes, we have Zoom….but we all know it’s not quite the same (don’t get me wrong…I am very GRATEFUL for it, though!)

Clearly we are supposed to feel joy during the holiday season! Joy is a recurring theme in so many songs for the holidays: “Joy to the World,” “good tidings of comfort and joy,” “joyful and triumphant”….you get the drift.

But with everything going on in our lives, how do we find joy if we aren’t feeling all that joyful?

The difference between ‘joy’ & ‘happiness’

First of all, what IS ‘joy‘ and how is it different from ‘happiness?’

If you Google this, you will find a million different explanations and opinions as to how they are different. The general consensus, however, is that joy is a choice and a mindset. It exists inside of us (if we want it) no matter what kind of pain or struggles we go through. Joy is an attitude of the heart and a way of life…….a general overall feeling of happiness and things that satisfy our soul. We can choose to live with joy.

Happiness, on the other hand, is dependent upon outside things given to us and is a temporary emotion. You can be happy because of something happening to you or something that you observe, but it is short-term. If you won the lottery you would experience happiness, but it would be short-term unless you embody the essence of JOY in your life.

This all blew my mind and I’m here to admit now that apparently I have been wrong all of these years about telling you all that GRATITUDE makes us happy, and that we should practice it regularly to maintain a state of happiness and fulfillment.

How GRATITUDE & joy work together!

I am correct in that GRATITUDE does bring us happiness. If you were to say what you are GRATEFUL for right now, it will make you happy. But maintaining JOY requires a diligent and regular practice and mindset of GRATITUDE.

Now knowing this, I realize that GRATITUDE and joy are very similar. Both are a state of being and both are within our control. Both are a choice and an attitude. This is great news in knowing that we can decide to embody them both. The problem is, it’s not always easy to achieve. So how can we use GRATITUDE to make us more joyful, especially during the holiday season?

“It’s not joy that makes us grateful, it’s gratitude that makes us joyful.” – Br. David Steindl Rast

The best way to nurture an overall feeling of joy is to maintain a regular practice of the almighty GRATITUDE. This requires so much more than just fleetingly saying what you are GRATEFUL for at any given moment.

It requires a tangible practice, something like writing in a GRATITUDE journal or simply writing 3 things you were GRATEFUL for before bed every night. In my group “Attitude of Gratitude with Chronic Pain,” we dedicate ourselves to a regular practice of GRATITUDE in order to better live with our pain. When maintaining these practices on a daily basis we open ourselves up to receiving more joy in our lives.

The wonderful Brene Brown who is a leading expert and researcher on vulnerability, courage, shame and empathy has interviewed thousands of people over the years for her work. She says that she has “never met a person who described themselves as joyous who didn’t actively practice GRATITUDE.” That’s pretty powerful stuff!

Comparison robs us of our JOY!

Another way that we can find inner peace and pure joy is to stop comparing ourselves to others!

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt.

That statement could not possibly be more true! On Facebook you may see pictures of friends’ picture perfect Christmas trees, all the baking they are doing, their stunning holiday decorating…maybe they’re even saying that their shopping is done already (UGH!!!) Perhaps you are receiving holiday cards galore in the mail and you haven’t even started yours!

Okay…I’m not being hypothetical…….I’m actually talking about ME here. Ha ha! But I’ll admit, it gets to be a lot to handle and when we compare ourselves to others, we feel inadequate and resentful towards ourselves.

We also tend to compare ourselves to our past selves. This is a dangerous practice to get into as well. Those of us who live with chronic conditions have very different bodies and very different situations now than we used to. Comparing our abilities TODAY with what we used to be able to do is pointless, and leaves us with nothing but heartbreak.

But why? Why do we rob ourselves of joy like that when we’re comparing ourselves to someone else’s highlight reel?

In the grand scheme of life, will it really matter about the perfect decorations or the baking or any of that stuff? No!

Will it matter if you experienced joy this holiday season? YES!

How our pain can bring us JOY!

The pain that we endure and live with can actually be used as a way to foster our joy, believe it or not. When we think about the worst days we’ve ever had, reminding ourselves of the fact that not every day is like that is enough to make us joyful and GRATEFUL.

I would even argue that true joy cannot exist without enduring suffering at some point in our lives. Otherwise, we would just accept all of the good that comes our way as commonplace and not as the true blessings that they are.

Joy is not something that you achieve. It is not dependent on obtaining things, reaching goals, or anything starting with “If only….”

Don’t be the person who is waiting for circumstances or things to enjoy true joy. Do it NOW! Our lives are too short! When we are GRATEFUL and joyful for the way our lives are at this very moment, any happiness that comes our way will be magnified and amplified.

And joy, like GRATITUDE, is highly contagious. Use your joy to spread to those you come into contact with in your life. Can you imagine what a world this would be if we all showed joy and GRATITUDE rather than fear and negativity? Use your joy as the ultimate holiday gift to those in your life, but more importantly, as a gift to yourself.

You already possess all that you need to be genuinely joyful. All you need is to keep your mind and heart open to the abundance that surrounds you. The joy of living is ours for the taking! Let’s grab it!

Good tidings of comfort and JOY to each and every one of you during the holidays and into our brand-new year, 2021. May hope and GRATITUDE encompass your hearts and bring excitement for what is to come.

Peace & love, Lauren

ps. I’ll be discussing the topic of JOY on my live broadcast of my weekly show, “Gratefully Living the Chronic Life” which airs Thursday, December 17 at 8pmEST. It will also be available for later viewing by using the same link. All past episodes are available on my YouTube channel: “Attitude of Gratitude with Chronic Pain on YouTube!”

If you aren’t already a member of our beautiful community on Facebook, we would love to have you! “Attitude of Gratitude with Chronic Pain” is a group of thousands of others LIKE YOU who choose to work to look at their struggles through the lens of GRATITUDE to have a fulfilling and joyful life. JOIN US!

My best friend in the entire world died two weeks ago. And ironically, it wasn’t from the Coronavirus.

Aimee and I met in my Facebook group “Attitude of Gratitude with Chronic Pain” a few years ago. It’s a group that I founded over 5 years ago for peeps who live with chronic conditions and just want to escape negativity for a little while and concentrate on living with GRATITUDE and HOPE.

Aimee had been a member of the group for a few years before we “met” in person. I had seen her name pop up in the group for various things beforehand such as stating her GRATITUDE for the day, telling us what her daily intentions were, or putting her own positive posts up that she thought our members would find uplifting and helpful.

However, she and I had never had a conversation until the end of 2017 when she contacted me privately about a particular member whom she thought could use some extra TLC because she seemed very lonely. Aimee wanted to make sure that this member would receive something for Christmas that year because she did not get the impression that she had much of a support system. I already loved the selflessness of this girl!

After that initial conversation, I’m pretty sure we never stopped talking again. Ever.

Although we were incredibly different from our backgrounds and upbringings, the chemistry that we had together made it seemingly impossible to stop talking. Aimee had a hilarious sense of humor and every time I sent her a PM saying something that I thought was oh-so-clever, it was only a matter of seconds where her own wit would come back at me with something even more clever. I’d found my soul sister.

In “Attitude of Gratitude with Chronic Pain” (or AoG as we call it), one of our guidelines is to NOT discuss our specific ailments. We feel that in order for our group to work the way it does, we need to stay away from comparing our pain to each other’s in order for all of us to stay on an even playing field. We feel that the source of our pain isn’t really what matters….it’s the emotional pain that it causes which is what AoG aims to help with.

And we all deal with our emotional pain very differently. Someone who stubs their toe can have more emotional pain than someone who is told they are dying. There are different pain tolerances and we all deal with our emotional pain differently on any given day.

Speaking of which, when Aimee and I really started sharing with each other, it wasn’t long before she told me that this was her reality. She was dying.

A few years prior to meeting me, she’d had a heart attack and was told by her doctors that she had one year to live. Aimee had quite the trifecta of medical issues….congestive heart failure, type 1 diabetes, and pulmonary hypertension. And she was only in her 30’s at the time.

Me, being the empath that I am, knew that becoming close to her and then losing her would be difficult on me. I feel the ‘feels’ very deeply and with my own medical issues, emotional turmoil affects me physically very much. So when she confided this in me, I’ll shamefully admit that I’d decided it was best to try to not get too close to her for the sake of my own health.

That didn’t last very long…I was already hooked. It didn’t take long at all before this girl became “my person.” She was so sweet and kind with a truck driver’s mouth and wicked sense of humor. She loved deeply, was a great listener, a great wife, mom, grandmother, and friend….and a great all-around person who was incredibly generous and thoughtful.

She was shy and selfless in that even though she was dying herself and her heart was giving out, her biggest care in the world was making sure her family was happy and raising her then 3-year-old granddaughter, Anna.

It was a no-brainer for me to make Aimee a co-Admin of AoG as her attitude was exactly what we were trying to teach our members. Aimee knew more than anyone I’ve ever known that although we cannot control the cards we are dealt, it doesn’t have to stop us from living our best life possible.

Aimee and I did a lot of back and forth visiting each other for awhile as we lived 7 hours away from each other originally. I loved our visits as we had such fun showing each other around the areas we both lived in.

One of the many reasons that Aimee and I got along so incredibly well was that ‘enthusiasm’ was both of our middle names! We could do anything together and have fun! I adored showing her new things and new experiences because she looked at everything through the eyes of GRATITUDE and not boredom or cynicism. I’d never before met someone who looked at life so enthusiastically. It was refreshing and infectious.

Eventually, as Aimee’s heart started to get worse and worse, her wonderful husband, David, got a transfer through his job so she could be close to me and near Philadelphia where the medical care was much more advanced for what she needed. The cardiologist she found here felt confident that a heart transplant would be in her future which would ideally help her to live longer and with a better quality of life than she had at the time.

SOLD!!!!

So they moved locally and we were both thrilled! Those adventures that we enjoyed taking when we periodically got to visit each other would now be possible on a regular basis!

And we did so many of them!

We went to the Statue of Liberty which Aimee had always wanted to see. Her reaction was nothing short of profound.

We saw a Broadway show which was also a dream of hers (we saw “Wicked”) We went to the Jersey Shore and took Anna to the boardwalk.

Philadelphia was a spot we went to many times for her doctor’s appointments but we also turned these not-so-fun days into special memories by doing things like going to Reading Terminal Market or fulfilling our quest to try every Philly cheesesteak place we could (and we tried a LOT! lol)

We took Anna to every park we could find and every indoor play place in the tri-state area. What fun we had teaching ourselves how to watercolor paint which we’d both always wanted to try. We weren’t very good, but we had fun with it.

We had sleepovers like teenage girls. All the time. We cooked together (we were both foodies!) watched movies, ate junk food, and played with Anna. We’d stay up all night talking.

We went to local food truck festivals, a garlic festival, a bacon festival, and every festival Aimee could find. I would joke with her that ‘Facebook Events’ was exhausting me (she looked at them constantly to make sure she wasn’t missing anything! LOL)

We went to every enormous Christmas light display that she could find. Christmas lights and fireworks were her favorite things to watch in the entire world. I couldn’t always take her to all of them as my own health would go up and down, but we sure tried our best!

We went away on week-long vacations to my parent’s second home in the mountains of the Poconos. Although hikes weren’t in the realm of possibility for us, we drove around and found places where Aimee could see waterfalls not far from the car. We also went strawberry picking, apple picking, and would swing on the porch swing and just talk for hours. We took Anna on pony rides and saw a ton of deer which was something that Aimee viewed as very sacred and special. Boy, how she loved those deer….

These are all things that most people would just take for granted….including myself. But when I got to experience the enthusiasm of each of these things through Aimee’s eyes, I would quickly realize how much LIFE I took for granted.

The last year of Aimee’s life found her health declining rapidly. She had to have a PICC line installed so she could have a constant dose of a drug called Milrinone which would help her heart to work temporarily until a transplant was possible for her. It did work well for awhile, but eventually it stopped, and her time started running out. She would go into the hospital for 2 weeks or so and then be out for 2 weeks. This would be the pattern as the doctors tried to get her various issues straightened out so she would be a heart candidate.

When she wasn’t in the hospital, we still did our mini-adventures. We had to do them with a wheelchair in tow as she couldn’t walk more than half a block anymore….but we still did them.

We were lucky enough that the hospital she stayed in allowed me to stay with her. In the beginning I would bring games along with our painting supplies just to keep her mind off of the scary stuff she was experiencing, but towards the end she was just too sick to do any of it. We watched a lot of bad TV (lots of Judge Judy and Catfish!) and talked and talked and talked.

When COVID-19 started coming into the picture in a big way in early March, David and I knew it was incredibly important that Aimee be able to stay away from the hospital. We knew that, with her issues, if she had to go in for any of her heart issues, her health and immunity was such that she would never make it out if she were to contract the disease.

Unfortunately we weren’t able to keep her out of that hospital. Her heart and diabetes was taking it’s final toll on her and on March 19th my best friend took her last breath at 2:25am.

I still can’t believe it. Her loss is felt so profoundly and I am having a difficult time accepting it as reality. I cry all the time. I’m doing it right now, in fact.

When lucky enough to have someone in your life who lives it so enthusiastically, it leaves a gaping hole in yours when they’re gone. What a blessing that I can honestly say that there is not one thing that was left unsaid between us and there are very few things that were on Aimee’s “wish list” that we didn’t do. What a gift that is!

I’m not sure how I’m going to get over the pain of losing this spectacular person in my life. I’m hoping that writing this will help to dilute the devastation a little bit and I hope that with me honoring the way she lived her life it will help you look at the way you live yours.

The lessons that I learned through being Aimee’s person will stay with me forever, and I have to remember what a gift it was that God gave me this woman to teach them to me. I had the privilege of living like I was dying because she showed me how. This isn’t something that many people get the opportunity to do.

We all have annoyances in our lives…..especially now. But it’s temporary. We need to remember that.

Some of us have chronic illnesses that we may have to deal with forever. However as Aimee showed me and which I now pass on to YOU, we have the opportunity to still live a life of beauty and fulfillment by changing the lens we look at things through. And although we may not get to do things the way we would like to do them, if we use our imagination and are willing to be flexible, we can still do them and have much more fun than never doing them at all.

We can opt to complain and do nothing about it, or we can accept things as they are and do the best we can to live life enthusiastically while blessed enough to be here on this earth. Although it doesn’t always feel like it…..our lives are very, very short.

I miss you so much, Aimee Gray. Thank God for blessing my life by putting you in it and for the lessons you taught me that I will take with me forever. I will do my best to teach others how you lived as it’s a way of life that makes our life worth living and loving.

Godspeed, my love.

Check out my interview in the October 2018 issue of “Pain-Free Living” magazine on the power of using GRATITUDE to help us to live happy and fulfilling lives despite struggling with chronic conditions.

Proud to have been able to contribute my two cents based on what we do in my Facebook group “Attitude of Gratitude with Chronic Pain.“

Over 6,000 chronic thrivers can’t be wrong!

As my Facebook group Attitude of Gratitude with Chronic Pain (AoG) continues to grow (we’re at almost 4,000 chronic pain thrivers now!) and I continue writing the book, I’ve had less and less time to write blog posts.

My bad!

But I haven’t forgotten about you!

I hope if you’re not a member of the group that you’re a member of my Gratitude Addict Facebook page where I keep things a bit more updated than I do here on the power of GRATITUDE in our everyday lives. If not, go join now!

What I’ve been meaning to talk about for awhile now is about the power of setting INTENTIONS for those of us with chronic conditions. It has been a game changer for many of us in the group and I wanted to share with you why that is and why you should consider it too.

Every morning in AoG, those of us who wish to participate set our daily INTENTIONS. This is something that we started about a year or so ago in the group and it’s popularity has grown and grown as more and more gratitude-seeking chronic illness thrivers find the benefits of what it does for our lives.

The INTENTIONS range anywhere from taking a shower (which is often a very big deal for many of us), making dinner, returning a phone call, going to a doctor’s appointment, or taking advantage of a “reboot day” (a term we have coined in the group for rest days….we like the sounds of it a whole lot better!) Our intentions are stated as we feel them in our hearts at the beginning of our day, and we share them with each other as a guide for how we see our day going.

But why is this any different from setting GOALS?

Because those of us with chronic physical and/or emotional conditions have very fluid lives that change constantly depending on how we are feeling at any given moment. We might start the day at a level of pain where our stated intention seems doable, but within 5 minutes of stating it….things can drastically change.

So….we aren’t able to fill our INTENTION (cue the Debbie Downer music.)

The thing is, though….it was only something that we INTENDED on doing. So it’s ok!

Setting GOALS are a very definite declaration with a very definite end result that we see in our minds.

Chronic pain/illness thrivers don’t necessarily have the luxury of being able to see set goals through. So what ends up happening is that we can be hard on ourselves for not being able to reach these goals. We feel like a failure and can often victimize ourselves. The self-guilt can be brutal and can lead to increased emotional pain or depression-something that we don’t need to add to our already often-difficult lives.

We don’t need that! It’s not helpful at all….

INTENTIONS are different. We set them as we go about our day as a map for how we see things going. We know what we feel in the present moment and we put out to the universe how we see things progressing based on how we feel RIGHT NOW. But we also set them knowing that how we feel right now may very well be not how we feel in the future….and we’re ok with that.

It also helps us tremendously to have something to strive towards. We don’t state how we’re going to get there which is something that goal-setting does. We put it out to the universe as a possibility that we think at the time is doable for us.

Our hearts and minds tell us….”I think I might be able to do this.”

Many chronic illness thrivers don’t bother having any intention or plan for our days because we think: “I’m not going to be able doing it anyway, so what’s the point?” This isn’t a helpful attitude for us and having that negative mindset with a negative end-result envisioned in our minds can only lead to increased emotional debilitation-something that’s often more painful than the physical pain can be.

What IS helpful is having a little bit of a direction in mind as we start the day. GOALS are possible regret and disappointment ready to happen for us. INTENTIONS are just a simple guide for us and a super helpful tool.

INTENTIONS take that pressure off that goals may put on us! We set them…we TRY to meet them…and if we do, that’s terrific. But if we don’t….that’s okay too!

Later on in the day when we state our daily GRATITUDE in the group, we often share whether or not we were able to meet those daily INTENTIONS. Then we celebrate ourselves and others if we do….and we equally celebrate those who don’t.

Yesterday, a member of our group stated that she wasn’t able to meet her daily INTENTION for the day and she also stated how okay she was with that fact. I thought this was both amazing and refreshing! Being able to be okay with ourselves and our bodies is not an easy task, for sure. Being able to be okay with the fact that our day didn’t go the way we necessarily wanted it to is kind of a freakin’ miracle! Yay us!

If you’re not a member of the group and live with some kind of chronic condition, consider writing down a daily INTENTION as you go about your day. Having a flexible “map” of sorts is so helpful for us and you wouldn’t believe what a rock star you feel like if you’re able to meet your vision.

But just remember….you’re a rock star if you don’t too.

Peeps that live with what we do are queens and kings of badassery….I say that just about every day in the group. I bow down to you all and highly respect what you do every day…it’s so hard at times.

Our bodies don’t cooperate and we cannot do much about that. But what we CAN do is change the way we look at things….and the rock star in you is prepared for super stardom when an attitude of GRATITUDE can take the stage with you.

(cue the rock star music….)

I am a PHD., though….

Pretty….

Happy….

Dammit!

(haha I just made that up! I’m so clever that I amaze myself sometimes!)

(What’s even MORE amazing is that with this brain that’s quick with the clever sayings and with a vast knowledge of every lyric of any 80’s song….I still manage to forget how old I am and maybe even find my wallet in the freezer..)

But I digress…

“Doc Lauren” completely concurs with this gorgeous quote by Dr. Steven Maraboli and I believe that happiness and GRATITUDE go hand in hand and that our happiness levels directly coincide with how gratitudinally fit we are at that moment.

In doing the research for my book as well as living with my own experiences, I’ve found that I can have the same pain levels two days in a row, but the way the pain affects me emotionally (and therefore, how happy I am) can be drastically different on those two days. Why is that?

The answer depends on whether I’m ‘gratitudinally fit’….or ‘gratitudinally challenged.’

When I’m gratitudinally fit, it means that I’m doing what I need to do to keep my life and my struggles/pain in perspective – it’s my gratitude practice.

Clearly I talk a LOT about gratitude considering I’m writing a book on the subject not to mention running a group of 3,200 kickass peeps in pain who are using gratitude to help them live happy lives.

But that doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m gratitudinally fit. I need to have my own practice that I do consistently.

In 2016 I embarked on my first “Gratitude Project“…a much more enormous undertaking than I ever could have imagined when first starting out. I vowed to write one new thing every day on Facebook that I’m grateful for. My challenge to myself was to try to not repeat any entries and to try to make sure they weren’t things of materialistic nature. I managed to finish and the entire experience left a profound imprint on my life -I felt on top of the world and at the height of gratitudinal fitness.

But in 2017, not so much so….I thought that by working on the two books (one with my “Gratitude Project” entries and one on gratitude and chronic illness) that I’d be gratitudinally on fire!

Nope.

And what about being Admin of my very-active Facebook page of grateful pain peeps talking about gratitude all day? Surely that makes me feel gratitudinally fit…yes?

Nope. Well….not completely.

I’ve found that I need to have a specific practice, just for me. Whether it’s a gratitude journal, a project (I’m doing a new “Gratitude Project” now in 2018), a meditation, art….something that’s mine alone.

Just talking about gratitude does not make it a practice. For me it needs to be deliberate and mindful and make me truly reflect on what it is that I’m grateful for.

It has to be just for me, and it has to be daily….or pretty close to it.

I mix up my practice quite a bit (me+boredom=no gratitude practice) to keep things fresh and interesting and make me want to continue with it. I’ve started incorporating art into my gratitude journal, and my project for this year is another Facebook one…but this time it’s a wall that I adhere things to that I’m grateful for every day.

Why do I go to all of this trouble to stay gratitudinally fit?

Because it feels good….great, actually.

It makes me feel strong, self-confident in my actions and thoughts, and full of self-love with an overabundance of happiness. That’s a tall order for most peeps to begin with, but to have an overabundance of happiness while living with chronic pain…..now THAT’S something special.

And that’s why I work very hard to ‘get my gratitude on’ and to stay gratitudinally fit.

In addition to my very deliberate daily practice, there are a few other things I need to stay on top of in order for me to feel at the top of my gratitude game…

• Stay connected – Sometimes when we live with struggles of any kind, we have a tendency to isolate. Staying connected, whether in person, online (my fabulous group “Attitude of Gratitude with Chronic Pain” is my lifeline!) or through a club or fellowship….it helps us to realize that we aren’t all that unique and that our problems are not the biggest problems ever known in the history of man. Peeps deal with stuff every day and a lot of times, their problems are a whole lot bigger than ours.
• Do service – Help someone else in any way you can. It can be as simple as answering someone’s question or providing a listening ear to an online friend who needs it. This is another way that I’m able to keep myself grounded and to get out of my own way long enough to see that the world doesn’t revolve around me (shocking!!!)
• Have fun – This can encompass a whole bunch of things, but laughing and having some good ol’ silly fun is not only a stress-relief for me, but it helps me to not take life and myself so seriously. Life is too short to spend it complaining about my situation and how badly I may hurt. Let’s play! Go to the movies or rent one at home. Schedule an online video chat with some friends and talk about the stupid stuff you used to do as kids! Teach yourself something you’ve always wanted to learn (I’m learning watercolors right now!)

When I do these things and maintain my own personal gratitude practice, I feel gratitudinally fit enough to take on the world and all of the curve balls it throws my way (and believe me….they’re thrown from every possible angle!!!) Being gratitudinally challenged may mean the difference of my pain level feeling like a 6 versus feeling like a 3 on any given day – the pain and my condition are still there, of course, but how I perceive and receive it are what makes the difference in my overall happiness.

And the key to being happy is simply being gratitudinally fit.

When your heart and soul fully embodies gratefulness, there’s no room for anything else but love, fulfillment, and infinite happiness.